Family Christmas Dinner - A Lament

I love Christmas Dinner

It's quality family time

Everybody is talking and

the laughter's a good sign

Aunt Mo is a Christian

Probably never sinned

But her brussels sprouts

Still emit toxic wind

Red faced Uncle George

Talks over his other half

His jokes are really crude

But they do make us laugh

Madge is back again

I've forgotten why she's here

but just like last time

She's drunk all the beer

Greedy Brother Bernard

An appetite hard to sate

Twenty roast potatoes

Piled high upon his plate

Sister Ann sings carols

and plays the bassoon

She knows all the words

But they're never in tune

Mum checks my cooking

but I wish Dad was here

but they can't be together

It's the same every year

Niece Mel blows smoke

While sporting a moustache

Hanging from the window

and dropping out her ash

Dear husband Brian

sups too much whisky

Winking at naughty niece

Hoping she is frisky

Son Jack is glued to

his new iphone six

When I had a mobile phone

they were just like bricks

Old Granddad Fred

hasn't moved in ages

wonder if he might be dead?

 Undertaker, check yellow pages

I hate Christmas Dinner

Pretending to be merry

I only just keep sane by

drinking all the sherry

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